Master Cleanse (Lemonade diet): Day 1

This morning, I made cream of wheat for Braden and Chex Mix Yogurt for Maddox.... and juiced lemons for the day. For MY breakfast, my first glass of many for this diet. Something I need to change is actually measuring the correct amounts of cayenne pepper and maple syrup, because the first glass is SPICY!! Although, I think I could get used to that taste as Cayenne pepper is one of the best natural healers available to us.

It's 9:41am, and I'm not hungry... but the stash of Halloween candy was tempting.

Get Fit

I am now making the effort to get back into great shape. My good friend, Brian Davis, has dropped 40 pounds in 15 weeks which serves as my inspiration for this newfound desire to "get fit."

What failed in the past was the lack of motivation as well as not creating a way to make it FUN. So, I have a new strategy. I have created a competition between myself, Brian, and the one and only Josh Britt. Our competitions range from weight loss to agility, strength, and speed which include the following events:

1. Weight loss by percentage

2. Bicep Size

3. 3 Point shootout

4. Football throwing accuracy

5. Punt Accuracy

6. # of consecutive 30 yard field goals

7. Football longest toss

8. Punt distance

9. Longest field goal

10. Homerun Derby (softball)

11. 40-Yard Dash

12. 1 Mile run

I'm thinking the key to getting fit is to make it interesting and to mix it up... which I think we have accomplished.

Monday was my first official weigh in, and I started at 192. My biceps measured 14 1/2 for the right arm, and 14 for the left. This morning, I weighed in at 187... we'll see if that number holds. I assume it is just a fluctuation, and not actual weight loss just yet, but who knows...

My goals are:

1. DRINK MORE WATER, cut out caffeine.

2. Target weight of 180.

3. Bicep size to increase to 17" on BOTH arms. (come on left arm, I know you can do it too!!)

4. Run a mile in under 5:30.

5. Complete the full 90 days of P90X.

Wish me luck...

Google Voice

Google Voice is supposedly the best voicemail transcribing product available in the free market... However, it seems to have trouble hearing most voices to anywhere near 100% accuracy. Here are a few voicemails I've gotten from Google Voice:

"Hey, Buddy, I was watching very soon. Through the the up doing the same time. Just calling to wish you have birthday and sorry I missed lunch today with the force you're out of town them and discuss the I guess just give me a shout tomorrow. They're like per day here bye."

"You. Hey man day. The that. Well, That's all you can call talk to you Later. Bye bye."

Worst one yet:
"Hey, hey hey hi, hey hello. With the cal. Hey Yeah, hey, okay bye hello. Well, bye. Dot, hey hi, what's up. Group, 2, hey hello hello. The, hey. Hello. No Yeah, yeah, you know, okay. You You. Hey HI hey. I'm, haha."

This just in:
"Hey, gimme a call and talk about the refrigerator. Not. Love you."

sorry bro, had to test out this function on the blog.... nothing personal

"Kids say the darndest things"

A compilation of humorous things I've heard since becoming a father:

Maddox:

Pointing to his elbow while in parent hell (aka- McDonalds playground)- "Mama, I bumped my rainbow"

Braden:

After explaining to him (why, I don't know) what diarrhea was, he replied, "Poop that comes outta you wee wee?"

Maddox:

"Daddy, what you doin?"

"Putting on my belt."

"So you can be safe?"

Me: "Maddox, you need a spankin?"

His response: "You gonna bust me up?"

When talking about going to school in a couple of weeks:

Mommy: "Maddox, you get to make all new friends!"

Maddox: "You gonna make me some friends in the oven?"

Predictable, but nonetheless funny joke

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they arrived at the location of the crash, the disaster was catastrophic. The aircraft was completely destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm. The sheriff and his men searched the wreckage for survivers, but there were no remains, including that of the President.

The sheriff saw his friend, Hank, plowing the field nearby as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did," Hank said seemingly unconcerned.

"Do you know that this airplane is Air Force One... the one for the President of the United States??"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?!"

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the mornin."

"President Obama is dead!?" the sheriff shouted in disbelief.

"Well, he kept-a-sayin he wasn't... but you know what a liar he is."

sorry if you wasted your time reading this....

State of the "Union"

On Sunday evening I went to bed in the USA. On Monday morning, I woke up in the USSA... I find it hard to believe that despite the vast majority of our citizens NOT WANTING THIS BILL TO PASS, President Obama and his pals found a way to push it down our throats... and yes, it still has to pass through the Senate, blah blah blah.... It looks like its a done deal. Express your opinion by signing this petition: https://www.aclj.org/Petition/Default.aspx?sc=3559&ac=1

We are still a democratic republic, but those representatives currently in both houses are not accurately representing the same people that voted them into office. Lets not allow this administration to ruin America as we once knew it. As a representative democracy, we need to see that those not representing the beliefs and opinions of the people should LOSE THEIR JOBS! They aren't in office to make decisions for us. Rather, they are there to represent a group of people and best represent that group's political and moral stance on legislation and key issues. This is not what is happening! Do some research on your reps and see if they are voting as you would have them vote. IF NOT... VOTE THEM OUT OF OFFICE!!!

One last thing...

All you pro-choice people say you don't think its right for anyone to "control" a woman's womb... but you're somehow okay with the gov't controlling your entire body... thanks for being... well, stupid...